You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
