No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
