I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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