Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we made out on top of his cat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
