Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on

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(573): View more from Missouri

The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season

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(214): View more from Texas

Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this

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(248): View more from Michigan

i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

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(419): View more from Ohio

On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire

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(586): View more from Michigan

Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.

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(586): View more from Michigan

You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.

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(239): View more from Florida

She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.

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