Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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