i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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