Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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