i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
