I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
