Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
