bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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