I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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