its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just high enough for therapy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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