she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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