his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
