You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
