I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
