Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
