I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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