I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
