Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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