I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
