Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
