I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
