She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize