She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize