I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
