She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
