thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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