I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
