sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
