she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
