Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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