I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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