dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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