I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
