i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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