someone threw a dead crab at me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
