I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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