It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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