If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
