cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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