Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
