I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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