Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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