i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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