I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
