ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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