mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
