It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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