No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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