There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
