dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
