dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
