Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
