Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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