dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize