ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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