So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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