dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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