just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
40s are totally the cure
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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