While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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